Creative Outlet - a blog full of stories and personal musings

13Jul/100

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands Verdict/Review

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

"I HATE SAND!"

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

Pros:

  • More Prince of Persia kind of platform gaming.
  • Beautiful levels, design and graphics.
  • Great presentation - slick and smooth.
  • A good stand-alone game outside of the Sands of Time series.
  • Interesting extra elements to the platform puzzles.

Cons:

  • A few bugs made it so you couldn't progress. A reload fixed it.
  • Constant reuse of the same 3 monsters and 3 bosses.
  • Dodgy and annoying camera.
  • Occassionally a jump sends you anywhere but where you wanted to go.
  • Weak story but is in the same spirit as the other Prince of Persia games.
  • Ubisoft DRM

Buy Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands (Amazon.com)

Buy Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands (PC DVD) (Amazon.co.uk)

6Jul/100

Choices, Future, Present – What Now?

Time for one of those blog updates that are all about ME! Yeah, I know, I know but I don't enjoy writing these either. It is merely for me to understand what the hell is going on, getting it off my shoulders and be able to look at it from another perspective a bit.

I can't exactly go unemployed forever and since there is pretty much nothing available to a guy with my education, I need to move in a different direction. I have always wanted to educate myself more but have been unable to because of money and other circumstances.

I have always been someone who never know what he wanted to do with life. I know what I enjoy and that is about it. Sadly, most of those things I can't really do as a job - unless I get one of those "once in a thousand" jobs. So I just decided to study what I love and then take the job bridge when I get to it.

I have always played with the idea of going to the university, but lacked the means and personal freedom to do it - but I just wrote down what things I'd love to study. The list was shorter than I thought it would be, but one thing just stuck out from everything else: English.

I've always loved languages, especially Danish and English - but have also loved English literature and their culture (to an extend) - so it felt like a bit of a natural choice. Happy and fulfilled that I have finally found something I thought I might like, I researched it a bit and decided to send an application right away, since a good friend told me I still had a few days to apply in.

Alas, the rejection came mere 2 days later. I had missed one point that said I needed another language at the highest level (Here in Denmark, we have a system. A is the highest "level" you can learn, while F is the lowest). That is, I need Danish at A, English at A and another language at A. I researched it a bit further and realized that every field in the "Humanitarian" group (Pretty much just languages, cultures and such) requires this. I shook my head because there was no logic in this at all, especially since English is pretty much every Dane's secondary language. Why would I need to know a third language at such a high level to learn more about English?

I sent a complaint about this decision and got a rapid response back. Obviously, they won't budge - but they told me that it was the government that changed this in 2008. Great, if I had just applied back fucking then, I would be so happy. I am told that I am welcome to apply once I fulfill these criterion.

After this, I started to look for other educations but have been unable to find anything that really interests me. The only other thing is what is called "Writer's School", but they only take in 8 people a year out of about 250-500 applicants.

I am still quite interested in taking English and since I have Spanish at a C, I will only need to study Spanish at B and A. But it is only select schools in this country that teach this and even fewer that teach a language from the ground up to A - so my hands are a bit tied on that matter. To add to the fact, if I want to learn this in under a year, I will have to move to Copenhagen - which is certainly not an easy or cheap city in live in and I will have absolutely no job or cash flow. If I want to do Spanish B and A in 2 years, I can go to Aalborg, a city where most of my friends live, but I think that 2 years it too long to wait. Incidentally, before I thought about education, I had also thought about just moving to Aalborg and get a job up there until I figure out what I want or until I find a job I actually like.

So right now, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do. I also have the faint thought, in the back of my head, that I might not be able to learn Spanish and that I will fail, future adding to the failure of this whole situation. It's only a tiny voice and, I figured, is most likely without reason - since I will have plenty of time to practice and get better. Another small thing is that I practically forgotten everything Spanish, except the grammar and sentence syntaxes, so I'd have to teach myself this somehow quickly.

I will have to figure something out quickly, else I will have bypassed the deadline for the extra Spanish classes.

Dammit.

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3Jul/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 23

29/06-2010 20:17

Dear diary,

The summer vacation finally came, at long last, and with it, amazing weather. Blue sky, high temperatures, sun and everything that comes with it. Cafés, ice cream, shopping and everybody appears to be happy and smiling. My smiles have, sadly, been forced unless I am together with Malene. And today, our grand plan of fun started.

Friday, the last day of school, ended in a big party at a classmate's house. I didn't drink a lot but Malene was dead drunk, so I had to take her home. She copped a feel several times, mumbling something about "everybody is envious of your great body, ya know" and then that she was sorry. I don't mind it and I told her. She seemed glad by that. But other than that, it was a relatively eventless day/night. I noticed there was a lot of class mates who got together - lots of kissing and couples disappearing. I somewhat envied them but knew I had Malene and she had a way to kind of kill those "desires" to be with someone. I was told, by her, that a few guys were looking at me and had been asking about me. She had, jokingly, said that I was hers, which I giggled at and played a bit with the idea - but it just made them go for someone else to ask.  I do recall someone coming up to me, awkwardly, giving me a drink and asking me to dance. I said I don't really dance and then he went away. Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying! It was kind of cute how nervous he was and I couldn't help that he had no reason to be nervous. Worst thing he could get is a no, right?

Saturday and Sunday were relatively uneventful, as Malene was at home. No school meant no homework so I didn't know what to do other than watch TV.

Monday: Malene came with a huge bag full of clothes. She was practically moving in for the week! We started on our plan immediatly and after she had changed and showered, we headed out. The weather was amazing so we decided that we wanted to go to the beach instead. We started with the cinema trip first since we figured it'd be too hot on the beach. We didn't really want to watch anything that was currently going, so we just on a random movie. It turned out to be The A-Team. Boy movie! But it was fun. We were being girly girls, chatted, giggled and tossed popcorn at each other - we were the only ones in there, so we could get away with it!  At around 4, we arrived at the beach. People were slowly packing and going home, which meant we had most of the beach to us. We decided to just take in the sun, sunbathe, not care about anything and enjoy ourselves.

Eventually, we figured out that we were actually alone on the beach. Malene pointed out that it was a relatively secluded beach so no one would be able to see us. Not knowing why she would say that, I just gave her a puzzled look but I was about to get wiser. She smiled at me, then took the rest of her clothes off (only bra and underwear at this point) and ran into the water. She called to me to come over. I undressed, ran to her and jumped into the waves, next to her. It was quite warm, but she came over to me and wanted a hug. I hugged her, face to face and she gently kissed me. I was a bit shocked, but then kissed her back. We stopped and she just smiled at me. I love that damn smile. We kept playing around in the water until the sun had set and then my mother came and picked us up. We fell asleep right away.

30/06-2010 23:46

Tuesday: Woke up early and went to the shopping mall as it opened. Neither of us had a lot of money so we just went out to do something. It was a lot of fun. At around 4, we decided to go home after a quick visit to Blockbuster. We borrowed a couple of movies and Malene kept telling us to get a porno while giggling at the images at the back. We rented it but we never really got around to watching it. As we came back, it was still super hot outside and we both went for a shower together to remove the sweat. We didn't feel like getting dressed so we just popped on a big shirt, made popcorn and grabbed soda and began watching random movies. Malene fell asleep quickly, leaning against me. She is still asleep next to me as I write this. She is really cute and she must be dreaming something great as she is smiling.

Oh well, that's enough for me today. Good night.

01/07-2010 21:53

Wednesday: I didn't really look forward to today but Malene insisted. I haven't thought about her or being generally sad while Malene was here, so I kind of hoped that she could be a buffer in me getting a break down on Sus' grave. I wanted to push it as far back on the day as possible, while Malene wanted it to be straight away so we could talk about it afterwards, if necessary. She has turned out to be my therapist, it would seem. I, reluctantly, agreed with her and we went. Just as we approached the graveyard, I was in tears. I tried to hide it from Malene but she grabbed my hand and held it tight while forcing me ahead. I felt a bit foolish, but I just started talking to the grave and it brought me a bit of peace. Malene just sat quietly, with tears coming down her cheek. I pulled her over and hugged her and we cried a bit together. We both felt great afterwards.

We walked away, hand in hand, but neither of us felt like going to the planned football match. We just walked for a bit, with no destination, and then found a bench. Then Malene began to talk. She have held it in for a long time I will write it down as best as I can (Hooray for a great memory, but also because it struck me so hard): "Remember when I told you that it was tough for me to see the most stable person I know, fall so hard? It made me think. A lot. I promised I'd help you out to the best extend of what I can, because you are my best friend but it also made me realize just how quick life can end." she said this with a sob, I moved over to pull her in closer. "So I knew that I had to do what I want, while I still can. Just this week, ya know - I wanted to run into the ocean naked and I got my best friend to follow. I wanted to hug my best friend and I did... I.." she hesitated "wanted to kiss my best friend and I did. But nothing I have done yet, with you, was met with anger or anything." At this point, I kind of knew where the conversation was going but it never came to that. She plainly just asked me "What are we? What are we doing?". I responded with: "We are living life and doing what we want." I told her I could never get angry at her and she could do whatever she wants to do. She responded with a kiss. I noticed a few people looking and pointing, so we went home afterwards. I still feel the kiss on my lips.

She is a tired one, this girl. She fell asleep as we lay down on the bed. I had thought we needed to talk more, but I am glad we didn't have to. I am still not sure what she would think. On one side, I think she'd be okay with and .. we might start dating? I don't know. On another hand, the pessimistic one, I could lose her as a friend. I would have no one left who are close to me.

Good night, diary.

03/07-2010 19:56

Dear diary,

I feel .. tingly. Warm, with butterflies in my stomach, constantly sighing with relief and happiness. I feel like I am floating, I feel like I can conquer the world. I feel accepted, cared about and loved. I am constantly smiling. I simply cannot stop.

I feel happy.

18Jun/100

Medal of Honor Multiplayer PC Beta Verdict/Preview

The Unrealistic Hopes of a Nerdgasm

This 1895 painting by Edwin Austin Abbey shows...
"This cup symbolizes the unholy union of Modern Warfare 2 and Battlefield. Imagine what it can accomplish!"

Let me step right up there and say that I love both the Call of Duty series as well as the Battlefield franchise. I have played both to death and still enjoy a game every now and then, despite the lack of new content to both the latest installments (Yes, I know there will be more map packs to Modern Warfare 2 - but it's too little, too late). So when I heard about Medal of Honor, I immediatly had hoped for a spiritual successor to Call of Duty now that it had turned into somewhat of a media circus and a horribly overused teat of a cow, which have turned a weird shade of grey. Then when it was announced that the cool, suave dudes from Swedish DICE (Guys behind Battlefield) were behind the multiplayer, I immediately  had some nerdgasms of joy. A mix of Battlefield and Call of Duty? This is like the freaking Holy Grail for me. While both games happened to have mostly been aimed for the console, sadly, they played relatively well on the PC.

Enter Anger

When they announced a beta at E3, starting right away, I just knew I had to conquer (read: own) this Jesus of FPS games. This Saviour of a time long gone.  I had to have it. I found out that if I owned Bad Company 2 on Steam, I'd be able to get into the beta earlier by preordering it. It sounded so amazing, it couldn't be true! I did just that - and with a few hiccups from EA (Gun Club still isn't working? Really?!) - the beta started.

Offering 2 modes with 2 maps, 1 for each mode, the beta isn't exactly offering a lot of content to play around with - but I am going to assume that the core gameplay is what they have considered will be the in released version. Which is just dreadful. The game offers absolutely nothing new. The gunplay feels mediocre and boring at best. There is no recoil or spread, except with the sniper, lending the idea that the PC beta is just a 1:1 port from the consoles. There is really nothing to it. It can quickly become quite a clusterfuck, especially because grenades, grenade launchers and rocket launchers doesn't have any kind of splash damage. Spawns are weird in team deathmatch, but mostly follows that of later CoD games, where you'd suddenly spawn behind enemy lines with no one nearby.

Despite a run and gun kind of gameplay, the game offers not much else. It gives you a sort of "killstreak" called "team actions", which is either a UAV or a mortar strike. In the form of customizations, you have the choice between 3 "classes". Soldier, spec ops and sniper. Within these classes, you can change/unlock weapons, sights, magazine and barrel.

Yes. That is it. There is nothing else to the game. I've played it for about 2 hours and it is just so mind numbingly boring. No sense of progression, no "umph" from the gameplay. No awesome moves or episodes, where you just sit back and think "Wow.. that was intense". The gameplay seems very calculated as well, with you being able to endure a specific amount of shots anywhere on the body (except the head) before falling on your face in the respawn menu, which was just made to taunt you for dying. The only episode I found "fun" was when I saw a corpse fly over a wall. That was it.

The game have been compared to the awesome Insurgency mod for Half-Life 2. In which it fails. It fails against a mod.

Changes I hope to See

Obviously I'd love to see a change in the gameplay itself. It is just lackluster - there is nothing to it. Maybe it can satisfy the console, but I like to think that we are more sophisticated on the PC and require just a bit more for it to keep our attention. It needs to be PC-ified, just like Bad Company 2 was.

Minor issues:

  • Animations look stiff and bland.
  • Menus handle like they would on a console. It even boasts several console-only settings, such as D-Pad settings and adjusting your TV-screen.
  • Chat system is broke. It just shows a bar, which you can't type into and won't disappear before you die. During that time, you can't move. All you can do is aim and shoot.
  • Server browser kicks you back to login screen. They also decided to have forgotten everything they learnt with Bad Company 2.
  • Spawning system: Either add more spawn points or think of something else.
  • Hit boxes have issues.

Suggestions:

  • Respawns are too rapid in TDM, especially for the size of  the map. Add a respawn delay.
  • Tune up the destruction possible in the game. You have an engine that is capable of so much, yet decide that a rocket shot or a grenade can't move concrete or bricks. Turning it up will change the game and how it's played totally, camping spots come and go, making the game more interesting and varied. Who wouldn't have wished for destructible environments in Modern Warfare 2?
  • More and varied game modes.
  • Take a look at BC2. The infantry gameplay in that game is a lot more fun than it is in MoH, which is strictly infantry based. Why is that?

I will keep playing the game - but it does not bode well for now, sadly.

Preorder Medal of Honor (Amazon.com)

Preorder Medal of Honor (PC DVD) (Amazon.co.uk)

14Jun/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 22

13/06-2010 17:57

Dear diary,

I know I have been quiet lately but when there is only a few things on your mind which I have already written about. Sus's death is still on my mind, but I have no more tears. Just regret, really. School is being annoyingly slow and I can slowly see the summer vacation creep in on us and the amazing week with Malene. Occasionally, however, my entire sexuality "situation" kind of pops into my head, mostly because it is summer and girls are dressing in some quite.. interesting clothes. As a teenager, I can really feel their appearance "impress" me and "affect" me in certain ways. I don't know if I can say that less indirectly - but I haven't felt any desire to do anything after Sus, so I feel that it is kind of a step forward in coping of her loss. Yes, I get horny again and I look at all the hot summery girls and it gives me fantasies I wish I could fulfill. I think I might have been a bit too apparent in me looking at them, because Malene have started commenting on girls as they go by, mostly in a superficial way -- like "She looks great in that" or "She looks like a snob". I really wish I could tell her who I really am, but I suppose it doesn't really matter as long as she is my friend. Could just be great to, ya know, be accepted as who you are.

5Jun/100

HTC Desire and Android – Noticing The Small Things

Android robot logo.

Who can deny this guy?

Introduction
I am a bit of an Android fanboy - but I don't think it is an unrealistic affection, as I believe it is just an amazing operating system for mobile phones. Now, having had it across two phones for about a year and a half, I have come to the conclusion: I will never get a non-Android phone again.

Having said that, I must admit that I have never really used an iPhone or a BlackBerry, other than the occasional call from a friend's phone or trying their phone while bored - so my opinions are probably rather biased. I have, however, had a Windows CE phone and it was just plain bad. I don't know if it was because of the operating system or the HTC Touch Diamond, but I really hated it. It felt too heavy and too slow to really keep my interest. As soon as my contract was up, I sold that sucker and went on to another phone.

The HTC Magic
I don't recall why I bought this phone. I suppose it was that kind of geeky feeling you get when something very new, with new technology, comes out. I have studied it, read the reviews, checked up on Android and I wasn't really sold or anything. But suddenly I had bought it and felt a bit giddy having done it.

Some called it an iPhone killer but, having tried the iPhone, I felt that the Magic was, sadly, too slow. The operating system, however, offered so much. It had it's baby problems but the mass of applications made it an amazing gadget to have everywhere with you. Don't know where that tattoo place is? Fire up Google Maps. Want to record your workout? MyTracks or CardioTrainer. But, it really wasn't anything new from what the iPod Touch and iPhone have been offering for a long time. It was just new to me. But I could, absolutely, feel that this phone is just the start of something amazing. After having gotten used to it, I started to use it as an e-book reader, for music, for working out, for looking up new muscle exercises, for social interaction and I really felt it was everything I'd need if I was suddenly stuck somewhere in the world. But, like every smartphone, the battery time wasn't what people would expect from a traditional phone. I, personally, didn't mind it - as it is to be expected.

HTC Magic
HTC Magic

Sadly, this phone had some major issues. When I first started using this phone, I told myself that I will never need another phone again. This, sadly, kicked me in the balls later on. The phone got tediously slow, especially while writing on the touch-screen keyboard. The plastic shell is very prone to dents and scratches if you accidentally drop it, meaning mine had a few from having landed on a few small pebbles. It wasn't a pretty phone, but that isn't really what I look for - as long as it's comfortable in your hand. It had a reasonably unique look, which meant it stood out. It's main strength, the Android 1.5 OS proved to be one of it's major flaws, as well. HTC never released an update for it, despite having hinted at it a few times - so it was stuck on the severely outdated OS, lacking several optimizations, special Google apps and a more polished look. I didn't realize the severity of this before I tried out the HTC Desire.

The HTC Desire
I didn't really care about the HTC Desire, at first. I figured I could wait a few more months until something even better came out - but I suddenly tripped over an offer I just couldn't ignore. Costing around 160 dollars less than normal, I knew I just had to have it. I must have it. A few of my friends decided to get it as well and those few friends became quite a lot of friends. I was amazed to see just how many was going for Android over the iPhone and I believe that the cost was a huge factor in this - but I was surprised to hear that the design also made people, especially girls, steer clear from it. What Apple have become famous for is actually keeping people from buying it - the shiny metal, the shape, how huge it looked. Why, even a few of my friends, who are die-hard Apple fans, decided to purchase the Desire.

HTC Desire

HTC Desire

I fell in love with Android all over again. Gone were the issues from the Magic - it was highly responsive, the HTC Sense UI was slick and made a seamless integration with Facebook, Android 2.1 had polished the edges but it was the smaller things that really amazed me. Those things you really have to try for yourself before realizing just how great they are. I called some company and had to press a button to get to the proper department. The phone noticed, via the accelerometer, that I had removed the phone from my ear so it unlocked the screen so I could pull up the keypad. When putting it back up to my ear, it locked itself again. Most people will probably just go "So what?", but that, mes amis, are the things that just leaves me at awe - that someone thought about that - in order to make my life easier. Because that is essentially what gadgets and technology is for; making our life easier.

I cannot help but feel that my phone have become my intelligent little friend. A companion who just wants what's best for me, building bridges over gaps in my life. Someone from an unknown number is calling me, it tells me who it is. I need to know just how freakishly hot it is outside, it tells me and even keeps my location up to date, ensuring I get the right weather information for my area. I feel a bit tempted to go to a concert, it can check my location and lists what is going down in my area. I feel like stalking my friends and my faithful guy gives me Facebook and Twitter. I want to check the pictures from that awesome party I wasn't invited to and I can even do that from within the UI. If I even happen to lose my little buddy (No sexual innuendo here, guys), I can just text from another phone and it will tell me it's exact position or just ring really loud until I find it. If I suddenly wanted to read a book while waiting for something, it can even do that. There is just so much to it. Obviously the Magic also did this, as mentioned earlier, but it is just that much smoother on the Desire.

The Magic had a decent camera but no flash, which meant it was beyond crap at taking pictures inside. This is not the case with the Desire, which is sporting a flashy flash and a 5 megapixel camera. I love taking pictures and, while it's still not as great as a camera, you will always have it close to you so you can take pictures of what ever the hell you want. Sharing is as easy as pressing 2 buttons, so Facebook can be updated with your friends kissing or that awesome sunset by the beach. The gallery is slick and fast, even if you are showing HD+ pictures and the great screen really compliments this. Sadly, the screen have a tendency to be barely viewable if you are out in direct sunlight.

But there is never such a thing as a perfect product. The Desire have it's shortcomings. It doesn't have the great customizable LED that the Magic had (To indicate different kind of notifications), but I have been told that is a "bug". The screen, while amazing under normal circumstances, is horrible when walking outside in the sun - as mentioned earlier - and it is really prone to greasy fingers. The battery time is about the same as the Magic, which is short for some.  You have to remove the battery to get to the MicroSD slot. But that is about it. Other than that, the phone is amazing.

I'd just love to have a docking station for it but have been unable to find any at all.

4Jun/100

Weight Loss – Starting to Exercise and Eating Right

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOWHERE NEAR A PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS ALL THINGS THAT WORKED OUT FOR ME BUT THAT MIGHT NOT MEAN THAT IT WILL WORK FOR YOU. I HAVE RESEARCHED THIS EXTENSIVELY BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN IT IS 100% CORRECT. THESE ARE MY OBSERVATIONS.

Introduction
I am a chubby guy but have been out of shape, chubbier - even borderline obese. I made the realization that I do not want that to be me. I had low self-esteem, short of breath after a couple of flights of stairs and I needed something to do with all of the downtime I have due to no job or any relationship.

First, while still in a relationship, we tried to just go all out eating healthy. It made me lose around 5 kg over 7-10 weeks but due to the split, it didn't settle and salad isn't all that interesting to eat, no matter how delicious my ex made it (and she is a master in the kitchen). But I changed some things on the side, which is still going and which is contributing to a lot of my weight loss. And it really isn't as hard as people think.

The Theory Behind Weight Loss
You probably know about calories. You probably also know that a normal person should aim at eating around 2000-2500 calories a day. Why is this, you might ask. Well, it is for your body to function. It needs something to burn in order to transform that into energy - roughly speaking.

Now, depending on the type of work you do, you might need to exercise on the side in order to gain a balance and burn more calories than you eat, thus reducing your weight. The general rule is that if you wish to lose weight, you will have to eat for 500 calories less or exercise enough to have burnt 500 calories. This is per day. It takes about 3500 burnt calories to lose around 500 grams worth of weight.

Depending on your weight, that would take around 1 hour with the following activities:

Rowing (vigorous effort): 502
Running (8.4 km/h): 531
Ice skating (14.5 km/h): 531 Kickboxing: 590
Rock climbing (ascending): 649
Cross-country skiing (vigorous effort): 531
Swimming laps freestyle (vigorous effort): 590
Bicycling (20-25 km/h) (vigorous effort): 590
Walking up stairs: 472
Running up stairs: 885

Changing What You Eat
Changing what you eat actually isn't as hard as you might think - that is, if you do it in small steps. I used to drink A LOT of soda, eat a lot of potato chips and wouldn't shy away from calling for junk food every now and then. Now, I rarely drink soda (if I do, it's the light versions), rarely eat potato chips (mostly at parties and social events) and junk food is only if I am in town and unable to find better sources of food. If you had asked me to quit soda a year ago, I would have said it was impossible. I drank so much sugar that, if my blood sugar was too low, would send me into a shaking sugar shock. I no longer get this - but just imagine if I had continued down that road. What I am trying to say is that anything is possible, as long as you believe in yourself (not to be taken literal, a lot of things can certainly be accomplished from it, though).

What I would recommend you to start out with, is to record everything you eat and drink, every day for a week. Be honest as the only one you will be cheating is yourself. Now, take a look at this list and, if you were like me, you'd probably be a bit shocked at just how much junk you eat. Things with empty calories, as people love to call them, that really doesn't do much other than make your weight increase and satisfy the hunger for a little bit.

BUT, that is not what we are going to look at, at first. Look where you can make some tiny changes, i.e: If you drink a lot of soda - change to a light version. Sure, it will taste less sugary and have a different flavor, but it truly grows on you. Now, I think that the regular Coca Cola is way too sweet. Eventually you should go all the way down to only drinking water, essentially removing an entire category of calorie in-take.

A huge motivational factor in this is that you will not lose the food you eat entirely, as there is a reason you enjoy eating them. You will just step up to a healthier product - one that will make you feel better eating it. So in short, replace unhealthy food with a healthier one.

Do this with just about every item on your list. Really put yourself into it and don't settle for the thought that you cannot live without that snack - because you can.

Now, as I said before, we have to do this in small steps. If you have a lot of unhealthy things on your list, then don't go and buy the light/improved version of all of them right away. Start out small - like with the soda first. Then after you feel good about doing that, continue. Replace more and more and eventually you might find that you don't actually need some of those things on your list anymore.

While replacing food items, try and size down your portions and/or only take one portion.. The fact is that if you eat fast, you will pretty much overeat because the food doesn't have time to expand in your stomach, which means you will still feel hungry even after having eaten a good portion. Try, if it is possible, to eat a portion and then wait 20-30 minutes, then if you are still hungry, eat another. Odds are you will not feel hungry afterwards and you have just saved your body from having to burn a lot of extra calories.

Exercising
If you are really serious about losing weight, like me, you probably also want to try exercising. Eating right is part of a good weight loss, but exercise completes the circle and - if you can keep going - you will see your weight go down quickly, especially in the start.

PLEASE, before you do anything, go to a doctor and have a health check. Tell him what you are planning to do and he will tell you what to be on the look out for. If you have a tendency to get inflamed joints and it's also in your knees and feet, then running is probably not the first thing you should do. If you have flat feet, you might need to obtain special insoles etc.

First and foremost, figure out what kind of exercise you like to do. Competitive sports? Join a sports club. Biking? Get out on the road. Find something you find enjoyment in doing but if there really isn't any and you just feel that every exercise you do makes you weep for the couch, I will say one thing: Hang in there. Like with anything, the better you get at it, the more enjoyment you will get out of it. Like me, I hated running but started anyway. Now I know I can run a decent amount before feeling short of breath and I can keep pushing myself and still be at awe at the results I keep pulling in. If you still feel that you just can't exercise, then go to the gym. If the motivation is lacking then keep reading. I will explain a few things in another topic that might get you out there.

For outside sports: Now that you have decided on an exercise you want to do, jump on it and just get out there. As with everything, do it, at first, in moderation. Small steps, remember? Do not push yourself all too much at first. Just enjoy what you are doing. Take breaks, enjoy the weather, take a scenic route - it's your time. Do this for a week.

After you have done that, you will probably feel that exercising is a bit easier than it was at first. Now you can start pushing yourself.  Start out with 5 minutes of relaxing speed, for warm-up. Afterwards, try to push yourself. Get a sweat working and then keep going until you just can't anymore, then at a relaxing speed again. Rinse and repeat. Try to make yourself do 30 minutes to an hour every weekday. Set your mind up to it, maybe fine-tune your route and take time and then try to beat your time. If you can't do 5 times a week, then at least try 3.  Just. Keep. Pushing. Yourself. Remember to do some light stretching afterwards.

Gym: The gym is a wonderful place. They have several cardio machines, so you can differ in your workouts. Like with outside sports, just try to familiarize yourself with the machines for the first week. Figure out what you enjoy doing for longer and shorter times, figure out what effort level you should put the machines at and what program you think would be just for you. After that week, start out with 15 minutes worth of warm-up. I would recommend the stationary bike. After that, go to another machine and truly push yourself for 15 minutes. Then to another and another 15 minutes etc. Try to do this 3-5 days a week. Remember to do some light stretching afterwards.

After having done this for a few weeks, you will start to know how your body works - what gives you a sweat and what doesn't. Try to make a plan in your head in what you want to do every day. Every exercise, except the work out, should make you sweat and if it doesn't, it means you need to push yourself even more.

If you feel faint or in any kind of pain, stop what you are doing and, if necessary, consult your doctor. Aching, however, normally happens when muscles get used and develop but if it aches for too long, go to your doctor.

I would elaborate more on this, but it really depends on the person on what they'd do.

Keeping Motivated

How to keep motivated is really up to every person, but I will tell you what worked with me.

  • A crush - as sad as it sounds, I eventually kept going because of a girl.
  • The boost in self-confidence is absolutely intoxicating. It's amazing. It can keep you going.
  • Having to go to the gym. This means that it isn't that easy to just get home again and will make you keep going.
  • Audio books and music. Music is a huge motivational factor during the exercise. Time just goes faster. I have recently put audio books on my mp3 player as well, so I can get a few chapters down at each workout. In theory, you could put on a learning audio book and getting taught while getting fit.
  • Use your friends. Ask your friends if they want to start going or go with them, if they already are. They can be the difference from having a break and actually going that day.
  • Eventually you will be in such great shape that you will do it for the sheer enjoyment.

Gear and Gadgets

Clothing: This really depends on where you work out. If it's outside, get some appropriate clothing so you don't get cold. If inside, just get some decent shorts and make use of some old t-shirts. If you are of the female gender, go get a very supportive sports bra - especially if you run.

Shoes: Get. Some. Running. Shoes. I cannot really express just how important running shoes are, even if you don't plan on running. The suspension in these shoes are good against your joints and it is just a world of difference once you have tried it. I bought running shoes, mainly because of my flatfeet but I will never ever buy normal shoes again. Shoes are pretty much the one place where you shouldn't feel bad about spending a lot of money. I personally lean towards Nike running shoes, but I am sure that is just a subjective preference.

Mp3 Players: This one is a bit controversial. Some people think that Mp3 players = iPods but I would urge everyone to think of what exactly they want out of their music apparatus. I knew what I wanted and I will absolutely recommend it: An inexpensive light Mp3 player with a display and a clip. It cost me $47. Enter: SanDisk Sansa Clip+ 2GB version. Amazing value for the money, especially because it takes MicroSD - which means I can just put in my 32GB card. I will never run out of space on this wonder machine.

Headphones: Normal headphones usually fall out of my ears as soon as I start jogging, so I quickly realized that I need some special ones. I have had the look out on several ones, but finally fell in love with and bought the Sennheiser PMX 80 Sport II. Unlike the OMX 80, this one is connected in the neck, which I find is the best, simply due to the fact that there is only one wire. It's cheap, as well, and the sound is amazing. This means that you will only have one wire.

Pulse watches: I use a heart rate monitor as a core part in my cardio training, simply because I go for a specific heart rate, where I know I will be burning a lot of calories. Since all of the cardio equipment at my gym can pretty much handle every heart rate monitor there is on the market (at least, if it's using radio frequencies), I just use a cheap one. I never use the watch anymore.

Android Application CardioTrainer: If you are as lucky as having an Android phone, you should definitely get CardioTrainer, which is free from the Market. It can be best described as a virtual training partner. It tracks your outdoor activities through GPS but is also able to count your steps. After the training, you can see your route through Google Maps, see your calorie burn, average speed, distance etc. etc. It really have to be experienced because it is tough to explain.

Conclusion
As it started, everything is possible if you believe in yourself. You will see some pretty hefty results at first, but that is just because your body is burning a lot more since it isn't used to that kind of exercise. Don't give up when your weight loss slows down, but keep going. This just means you are getting into shape and you can stand more punishment. Up your exercises, make sure your heart rate is still getting up there and that you are sweating. Also, do not weight yourself more than once a week because your weight will go up and down throughout it.

Remember, exercising become a lot more fun when you get into shape.

23May/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 21

Since certain morons cannot read, I will just go right ahead and tell you: This is in the STORIES category - i.e. IT IS PURELY FICTION. ANOTHER GIVE AWAY WOULD BE THE FACT THAT IT IS A CHAPTER!

That is all.

23/05-2010 02:25

Dear diary,

Every time I am left alone and while not doing anything to occupy my mind, I start to think about Sus. I cannot grasp the concept of death. My mind is trying to ease me into it and just making me imagine it like she moved far away and that I will never see her again -- that she isn't really gone. The very idea that someone so special to you is suddenly gone and the fact that I will never be able to see her again saddens me to no end. It makes me cry. It makes me become negative and I just cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel from this. Like it will never get better.

I can only think that this was probably how Sus felt. Unable to change her life and nothing to look forward to. It kind of gives me a bit of solace to think that I might understand why she did it. When I reached that realization, it felt like I suddenly felt a lot better. I can't exactly understand why, it just felt like it clicked. Like an equation suddenly making sense. I lay restless a lot lately, not able to sleep until at least 4 in the morning and being unable to get out of bed. I know my mother is getting worried so she is kind of just being supportive and not very pushy for me to get things done. I heard her tell my dad that she have no idea what to do with me, other than give me support and time.

I showed mother the suicide letter. I just kind of gave it to her without saying anything and then leaving again, hopefully telling her that I have no idea how to talk about and that I probably don't want to. She haven't said anything about it, which is probably for the best - but I felt she deserved to know what was going on since she had helped me out with the letter.

Anyway, it's been absolutely beautiful outside in the last couple of days. I think it hit 28 degrees today, so Malene and I have just been out enjoying it. We have been walking around town, mostly just trying to get a tan but also chatting a bit. We were trying to decide what to do in the week where she is still at home. We decided to stay at my place all week, so she is bringing her covers and clothes, so it'll be like a small trip for her. But what we have so far is:
Monday: Depending on weather, go swimming. Afterwards go see a movie in the cinema. We'll figure out which one later on.
Tuesday: Go shopping in the mall. Should be loads of fun. Afterwards just crash at my place and watch a few movies or whatever comes up.
Wednesday: Go visit Sus' grave. This saddened me a bit but I think it will be a great to get some kind of closure. It was Malene's idea and I feel kind of bad for not having suggested it myself. Afterwards we'll go and see the guy's from our class play football. Just to cheer them on.
Thursday: Malene suggested we should try and get some drinks and just drink at my place. Might be fun! I asked if we she should invite someone and she said "Not necessarily, it'll just be us having fun while being drunk!".
Friday: Nothing really, go watch another movie in the cinema and see where the night takes us.
Saturday and Sunday: We haven't decided yet, but we have a good and packed schedule so far.

Discussing this plan made me feel great again and full of life. But alas, as I came home and Malene wasn't around, I sank into my hole again. I have been trying to sleep for the last 5 hours. Malene stopped answering my texts 2 hours ago so I am just mindlessly sitting on the internet but nothing can keep my attention for long.

Good night, diary.

22May/100

Sarina Paris – Look At Us

For all the times that we,
We ever wouldn't be,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,
For everyday that I should have you by my side,
We'll make it baby,
Look at us now,

For every night I pray,
I know that you will stay,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,

Remembering the time our love was not so fine,
We made it baby,
Look at us now,
Baby look at us,

Everybody believed we would never be,
Look at us up above,
We are so in love,
Everyday in your arms,
Baby can't go wrong we are strong look at us now,

For all the times that we,
We ever were to be,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,
For everyday that I should have you by my side,
We'll make it baby,
Look at us now,

For every night I pray,
I know that you will stay,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,

Remembering the time,
Our love was not so fine,
We made it baby,
Look at us

Baby look at us,
Baby look at us,
Baby look at us.
---------------
I don't know if you are still out there, but this was the song that made me smile. Now I can listen to it again and remember an amazing period. I smile.

Filed under: Personal No Comments
19May/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 20

19/05-2010 21:20

Dear diary,

It's safe to say that I have been a mess lately. First the funeral, then the suicide letter - which just gave me more unanswered questions, then everybody just trying to forget about her and keep living life. Thankfully, school is over soon - so I don't have to be a mixed bag of emotions. Carry two faces and all of that.

I haven't shown this letter to anyone else just yet. I am unsure what to do against the rape. It sounds like it was consensual, in a way. Sus trying to reach out to him and the teacher taking it the wrong way. She probably did it, but regretted it afterwards. Should I take the letter to the police and make them do an investigation.. no, that might mean they have to dig up Sus and she is finally at peace now. No. The letter gives me an anger I have no idea where to direct. It doesn't give me any peace at all. Sus.. dammit.

I finally had the neck support removed, so I could finally start exercising again but I had no desire to do it. I didn't want to, simple as that. I told Malene this and she have been trying to get me to go with her, saying that if you can't do it for myself, then do it for her. Was just the words I needed to hear, plus it helps with distancing myself from everything for a bit. When out there, it's just her, me and the asphalt. The beautiful weather have simply taken our breaths away. The leaves came in quickly and it's now so green and beautiful out there in mother nature. Just thinking about it, makes me smile. Right now, the sun is setting in a masquerade of beautiful colours outside my window. The way it colours the clouds surrounding it is just amazing. There is no wind, so everything is just so peaceful..

Malene have been a bit blunt with me lately. She said she have been scared for the first time in a long time. She said that if the most stable person is so out of it, she doesn't know what to do with herself. She said that if she had to support me, she would - but that she isn't used to it. I loved her even more from that moment and I gave her a huge hug and began to cry. She didn't know what to do, I could feel it, but I assured her that she is doing everything right. She smiled at that. Her smile can really cheer people up. It's good to know that I still have Malene, now that my other best friend is gone.

Malene, sadly, said that she had to go traveling most of the summer so she will only be home like one week. She assured me that we'll make the best of it. I believed her and I will now look forward to it. She have cheered me up and made me forget things for a little while.

I think I will show Sus' suicide letter to my mom.

But good night, diary. I am glad to share all of this with you. I feel a lot better now.