Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings

17May/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 19

17/05-2010 19:11

Dear diary,

I finally got around to it. But nothing more. Here is the translation:

"I am sorry.

You are probably thinking that there must be another way and you are probably also blaming yourself for what happened. Don't. This is entirely my choice and I feel that it is for the best. I am finally at peace with myself. I knew this was the right thing to do. If you need to blame someone, blame me.

I tried to be strong, like you. I tried to look at the positive side of things, but when there are none - it is tough to stay ahead and on top. I tried to live my entire life in a few weekends. I was pretty much intoxicated for every minute of them and then I decided to have sex. It was horrible. I don't think Martin cared much for me, but he served the purpose I needed. When I finally had done what I could with my life, I simply saw no point anymore. There was nothing to look forward to, my parents made sure of that. I would not be able to endure another year of home schooling, especially because the teacher raped me.. My parents didn't believe me. I was helpless. It felt like a prison - no phone, no internet, no computer. I thought, perhaps, I could get a friend in the teacher but he .. probably took it the wrong way. I don't know.

I have always wanted to be like you. You have always been so kind and sweet. You knew just what to say and what to do. You are so confident and beautiful. A one of a kind girl. I appreciate everything you have done to me and I wish you all the best in the future.

I will always love you.

Sus."