Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings

2Sep/100

Dear Diary – Chapter 24

2/09-2010 22:27

Dear diary,

I am so sorry about having neglected you. There's just been so much on my plate. Looking back at my latest post, you have probably been wondering what happened. Well, it's been a long holiday and it's, unfortunately, been full of a longing for a certain someone. Malene, as you know, went on a long trip after our week of fun. Before she left we.. how do I say this best.. we had sex. We fucked. We did the vertical lesbian dance. It was amazing, everything that I had thought it would to be. It felt so natural and smooth and slick and I just fell even more in love with Malene. We cuddled, snuggled, hugged, kissed afterwards but I had no idea what to believe. Did she like me? Did she just do it to try something new? As you know, she had to leave a few days after. We parted with a big kiss and a huge hug and I have not been able to get a hold of her until recently because of her being in a different country.

So the entire holiday was unbearable. I'd constantly think about her and be nervous about what would happen. I didn't have anything to do other than to hang out with my parents, who took us for a couple of weekend long holidays around in the country. Nothing too interesting, but it kept my mind occupied. I tried to build up the courage to ask her what was going on, but a part of me just wanted to see where this is going rather than have certainty and stability in what is going on. I've idly been texting a few friends every now and then, asking them about what one should do if I have a crush on someone. Everybody told me to confront them, but I never told them who, despite them asking constantly. They just want some gossip, so I just wrote "You'll know eventually ;)". I also went to a few parties I got invited to, but never really got into it since I usually drank with Malene. Felt a bit odd, but I got very drunk and danced a lot. It felt great, just letting go and do whatever the hell you want to. I figured that's how life should be lived, yet it only really happens when I get drunk. When I'm not, I just become a shut in again and not really talk to anyone about anything other than normal girl talk. I think the gossip about me liking someone had gotten the boys to kind of back off a little bit, probably hoping that they might be the one. Heh, just look at that, I have a lot of self confidence.

I met Susan's mother the other day. She said hi, but I couldn't get myself to say a word to her. I felt disgusted by her very presence and just stared at her until she went away. I relived everything in my mind and I just can't help imagining what Sus would think about me dating Malene. Or about me liking girls. Maybe she'd be jealous? Maybe she would hate me. Maybe she'd not care. I like to think that she was one of the good girls but I can't help but feel that she was very close-minded, probably because of her parents and the way they raised her. But I miss her. I miss her a lot. Not a day goes by without me thinking about her.. and Malene. Fuck, I miss those two girls.

Miss, you might ask? Yes, Malene is still gone. It is early September, school started 3 weeks ago and she isn't back yet. I have no idea where she is, I haven't received any letters, phone calls or text messages and I walk by their house every day to see if they are home. I keep trying to think if she dropped any messages saying she'd be gone for longer. I even asked the teachers and they have no idea either. I'm not too worried, for some reason, but I just miss that pretty girl. Her smile.

I don't really have anyone to talk to at school now a days, so I've just been talking to whoever have approached me. A couple of guys have moved to the table next to me in school, so I've been chatting away with them. They've mostly been trying to annoy me, because apparently that's why guys do if they are interested in one, but I've just been keeping them at bay - talking without really saying anything. They've been texting me, too - just casual stuff like "Want to hang out?" or "Want to go to this party?". I think I just might.

Good night, diary.