Creative Outlet - a blog full of stories and personal musings

Dear Diary – Chapter 11

25/03-2010 16:54

Dear diary,

I am having problems with keeping you update as of late. Hopefully thing should slow down soon enough, so we can go back to the boring "This is how my day went". But I promised you to continue on my tales from this weekend.

As I wrote, me and Sus were standing outside the party. It looked like she was about to cry. I offered her my jacket, which she took, then smiled at me. I asked her what was going on and as always, she just shrugged. She is so obviously out of it, yet still doesn't want to say why. I went in to get her a soda, then came out. She was sitting against the wall now, looking a bit stronger. She had a few tears on her cheeks. Like someone who just realized that everything is alright, after all. I sat down next to her, giving her the soda. She said I knew her so well and gave me a little hug. She started talking. She said that Martin didn't feel comfortable about what her parents were doing and was trying to push the relationship ahead to the actual.. fucking, as she delightfully said. She giggled a bit at her use of word. Again, we were crossing into a field I know nothing about, so I just let her talk. She continued by saying that she said she wasn't sure about it and that it was too early for her. Martin kept pressuring her and as he got more drunk, he even tried to grope on her and put his hand down her underwear, while muttering that he would love to have "that hot girlfriend of yours join in". Meaning me. I blushed a bit at that, my mind suddenly thinking what that would be like. Sus pulled me back to reality with a sob and I just held an arm around her, hugging her gently. She hugged back and said thank you, that she felt a lot better now. I said I wish I could help somehow. She then asked me if I had wanted to pursue any of the guys in there. She said she was talking to a guy who really wanted my phone number, then she described her. It was the exact guy who had been staring at me all day. Apparently his name was Simon. I told her how he had just been staring at me all day and that he made me feel very uncomfortable. What a creep, she replied and then shrugged at it. Then asked if there was absolutely no one I was interested in. I opened my mouth, without knowing what to say, but then Malene came out with 3 drinks handed them to us. I tried it, a sweet raspberry flavor, which I gulped down quickly. I coughed when the after taste of spirits hit me. The others laughed at me, I blushed. This was my first, proper, alcoholic drink and I liked it. I loosened up, too.

We went inside, Sus tried to keep to me and Malene and just eyed Martin from a distance. I think he could feel how badly he messed up, because he didn't do much at all but have a sad look in his eyes. Malene asked me to come to get some more drinks.. little did I know about the game I was about to walk into. As we walked up to the bar, I vaguely saw a sign that said "Free drinks for kissing girls". Before I thought about it, Malene had pressed her lips tenderly against mine, I was shocked - but suppose I should have seen it coming. The guys hanging out in the bar was hooting at it and drinks were poured once again. Malene smiled at me when the kiss was broken and whispered "Three". I smiled back and nodded, flushed and blushing still. I took the drinks and tried to find Sus. She wasn't where she were before. I told Malene that we should find her - she agreed. She, too, have noticed that Sus is a bit out of it.

She was impossible to find. Martin was gone as well, so we asked around. They just said they saw them take off together but no one knew where. I called Martin but he didn't answer. Nothing we could do but stay here and be available when she returned. Malene kept coming with drinks. Apparently they were still free a couple of hours after we kissed, so we cheered to that. I quickly got slightly drunk, since I was unexperienced and decided it was best I just sat in a couch where my balance skills wouldn't be put to a test. Malene was very "loving" and just sat closed to me, almost cuddling against me. We just talked drunkenly, something about couches if I remember correctly. I, again, noticed the guy who had been staring at me. He sat with his phone in his hand and just as I noticed, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out, half hoping it would be Sus or Martin. It was an unknown number with the message "Are you having fun?" I looked up and he smiled at me. I half-smiled at him, pocketed the phone, took Malene by the arm and dragged her off to the toilet.

I told her what was going on, about the guy who had kept staring at him. All she said was "Is he cute?". I almost freaked out because I have no idea how to handle this situation. I am not even remotely interested and I don't have the sexuality to even pursue it! I told her that I wasn't interested at all but I have no idea how to handle it.

See, diary, I am having difficulties keeping you up to date. This entry was made the 25th and it is now the 28th and I am still not done explaining what happened! Please be patient with me, dear diary.

What happened next was.. interesting to me. I was walking back and forth in the toilet, just muttering to myself, trying to get all my thoughts straight. Suddenly I felt Malene come up behind me, push me against the wall, turn me around and kiss me, once again, deeply right on the lips. She didn't break the kiss right away as before, but I just enjoyed it, I must admit. I felt something wet against my cheek and broke the kiss. She whispered to herself "Four" and half-smiled. She was crying, I noticed. I asked her what was wrong, she said something I will remember to this day. I tend to try to be "perfect" in a way - know everything, always stay calm, see everything from more than one perspective. It's just the way I was brought up and I think that is why I am popular because I seem to have everything going as I want it to .. if only they knew. But Malene stated that she knew that a kiss would leave me silent, which I needed but also that she was scared because this was the first time she had seen me actually freaking out. I brought her in for a tight hug but didn't know what to say. She held around me and sniffed in. We both felt a bit sobered up. Then I said: "Let's just take every minute as it comes and stop thinking too far ahead". She nodded and smiled. I could never get tired of that smile. I began thinking about how much Malene have changed and all it "took", was for her to start running, to hang out more with me and Sus disappearing. I think she might have felt that she needed to step up to replace Sus .. which is both a scary and good thought. We still haven't heard from Sus. Maybe she agreed to what Martin proposed, maybe they are breaking up, maybe they have gone for a walk.. no one knew. I was going to be ready when she needed me, that is what mattered at the moment. Malene and I went out, after another hug, to get another couple of drinks. They were still just handing them out, but as I watched them mix it, I noticed they did half and half.  I told Malene this and she didn't seem to care. "Gets you drunker faster" she said with a wink while gulping the drink down. I couldn't argue against that. We found a table to sit at while I constantly looked at the door, hoping for Sus to come in.

As time went and the drinks were emptied, I saw the weird guy once again look at me. He was sitting at the bar with a beer in his hand. He was pretending to talk to someone but most of the guys up there were with their backs to him, pretty much just ignoring him. I then saw him pick up his phone and then I just thought "No no no. What to do?" I looked at Malene, who was just sitting there with a half smile on, trying to figure out how to sit on her chair without falling down. I helped her to sit up properly, she thanked me with a smile that left me a bit weak in the knees - why am I such a sucker for smiles?! - but it resulted in her leaning against me, giggling like a lunatic. I held around her as I felt my phone vibrate. Malene felt it too, grabbed the phone and looked at it. "It's him, let's give him a show for it - maybe that'll get him to back off". I didn't know what she meant before she started kissing me, again. I just leaned into it and enjoyed it, her soft lips and all that. Just thinking about it makes my lips tingle. She put her hand on my breast as well and squeezed. I blushed, but didn't mind - the liquor was controlling me and I didn't mind. I just leaned into it. Malene later told me she had winked to him and he had left the room in a hurry. We broke the kiss and I almost couldn't sit on my chair now. I also noticed that mostly everyone at the bar was having a good stare. I smiled at them, red in my face. Malene smiled and said "Five, had enough now?". I didn't know what to answer to that, sadly. I want it to continue but .. to her, it's most likely just fun. Am I having a crush on Malene? I don't know, everything is all too confusing - especially when you can't think properly with booze. I just smiled and that was answer enough to her, as she smiled back with a grin. I never checked what he had written on the phone, now that I think about it. Aaaand now I just deleted the message. Hopefully I won't hear anything from him.

After that .. make out session, I felt very hot so we went outside. I think Malene knew what was the reason as I heard her giggling from behind me. We came outside and saw Sus standing with Martin out on the street. I waved to her, but she didn't notice me. Malene said that she looked alright and happy, so maybe we should just go home - I agreed with her, the booze was getting me sleepy. I yelled to Sus that we were going home and she just waved. Hopefully she is okay. At home, we just crashed right away in my bed. I woke up with Malene cuddling me once again.

Nothing interesting have been happening in the last week. I haven't heard from Sus, but I suppose her tutoring have started. I had somehow hoped that her parents would see what the hell they were doing to their child, but apparently not. I started writing on the letter, about what happened at the party as she went away, that we went looking for her, called Martin etc., but also about that we were considering trying to ally with the school and the county about what her parents were doing. I wanted to tell it to her at the party, but she was just too absent minded.. she must have a lot going in her head, Martin, her parents, her social life going down the drain. Poor girl. I sent the letter today (29/03-2010) and hopefully it will go directly to her. She will be the only one home in the morning, except the tutor, so that is what I am hoping for.

Malene and I hung out in the weekend, with her sleeping at my place. We were running a lot of the day, because she is really really into loosing some weight. I admire her, I must admit. She has proven to keep pushing herself, both socially but also by exercising. 7 days a week, with 3 hours a day in the weekend. I was, admittedly, very tired after the weekend.

This concludes this entry. It is now 29/03-2010 13:47. Time to go running with Malene.