Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings


Dear Diary – Chapter 1

13/03-2010 23:39

Dear diary!

I am not good at these things. Hello there, hi! Smile and wave, look smug and sneak away with book under arm. Oh well.

Introduction first:

Hello there, diary. I bought you because I have a lot on my head that I feel that I cannot share with other people. Don't worry, glittery book of secrets, I do not want to kill anyone! ūüôā It is nothing like that. It is something I am afraid that will make people judge me without knowing me. But, as I said! Introductions! I am 14 years old. I am Danish. Yes, why am I writing in English to you? Because it is a great way to learn a language. I am pretty formidable at the grand language of - but it doesn't hurt to keep it up. Maybe I will write in Spanish to you, when I start in the gymnasium or whatever I decide to go to? ūüôā Also. I am a girl. I am quite ordinary, really. I quite like myself, for who I am - open minded, a present to the generation as my parents tell me. I got brownish hair, kind of bordering a bit on the red side. It's a bit long but doesn't go further down than my shoulders and I usually fluff it up to make it a bit interesting looking. What else to write about.. I like school, like so few now a days. They do not like to learn, I tell you - they just want the social aspects of the school, which I really can't blame them. I do fairly well on my tests.

I have a rumbling thought in the back of my head. How much should I share to my diary? I read somewhere that you shouldn't write down anything you are afraid will come back and haunt you, if someone figured it out or redefine who you are when you are dead. But if I can't be sincere to my diary, then who can I be to? I have just decided to be 100 percent truthful to you, dear diary. Oh, glittery. I suppose the first chapter in any book is good for introductions. I have introduced me. My name is not important, but it is a great name, one I will never depart of!

My (closest) friends!:

Susan - My best friend since I started in school. We have been through a lot of things as giggling girls. She is my girl in arms, you could say - together we make a lot of trouble, without it being proper trouble. She is blonde, does not care very much about school - usually just texts with the boys on her mobile phone (Do you really say cellphone in English?). She shares a bit too much information with me about them, apparently she have kissed at least 10 guys! But who am I to gossip to a diary. She is my friend for life, though. I suppose I am the good side and she is the bad side, the yin to your yang and all that funny stuff. I call her Sus and I am the only one who is allowed to do that, she says. Others she will beat. She is too small to beat anyone but there you go. ūüôā

Malene - Kind of an outsider girl, if you can be allowed to say that. Very quiet, but we brought her into our clique. She got such a great smile, when she finally moves that immovable mouth of hers. She is a closed book, but it feels great when she starts talking. I know she likes to hang out with us, because she comes around without us asking. I like having her there, she is kind of a calm object in the mist of chaos, you know? She got brown hair, like it matters. She is a bit tall and a bit chubby, but she looks great even though of that. I've seen the guys glare a bit at her, maybe because she is developing fast but also because she is such a mystery! She is very quiet in class but does all her homework. She knows a lot of stuff, as well! Come to think of it, I have never been in her house. I don't know a lot about her, at all and I have known her since kindergarten. Is that a bad thing?

These are the most important girls in my life at the moment. I will explain more, if they come into it! But it's saturday and nothing is going on! Might as well go to bed. Night, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 2

14/03-2010 03:48

Dear diary,

I am sorry to wake you up at this hour, but I cannot sleep anymore. I just woke up with a kind of excitement from the things I am going to tell you. This might sound silly, but it is something that have been on my heart for a long time and every time I try to tell someone about it, they do or act differently to what I had hoped. Usually with prejudice and misunderstanding - so I have kept the cards close to my body and not said a word to anyone. Yes, what could it be, that I want to tell you? I will tell you soon.

I might as well get up now and start the day early. Sundays, that means homework, homework and fun! Maybe I should call Sus and annoy her a bit.

Good night, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 3

15/03-2010 13:35

Dear diary,

School is done for the day, snow is melting, the sun is shining and I feel a smile appear on my lips whenever I sniff in the air. It's a beautiful world we live in, yet some people still decide that it is best to make it ugly. It is sad to look at or even think about. I walked home with Sus and we took a big de-tour, just to enjoy the nature. She complimented my hair, saying it looks even better in the sun. I smiled at her and gave her a spontaneous hug for it, she hugged back. I could feel on her, that she wanted to say something else so I let go. I think she could feel something about me, too. She started talking, saying she have been very attracted to a guy at school but she didn't know how to go from there. The outspoken, almost a bit angry, Sus didn't know how to talk to guys. I smiled at it, because I thought she would be the one who would know everything about it.

I can share most things with Sus so I did not feel bad when I said I have no experience myself. She nodded, almost like it came as a shock to her. I suppose I am a bit shocked as well, but for other reasons. I am quite a popular girl, one who likes to help and the guys got a good eye to me, at least I think so. Notice so.

Anyway, I started just spouting out logic, spiced with a bit of what I could gather from books and TV shows; get their phone number, show an interest in them, try to chat with them, open up to them, smile to them. As we walked, she just kept nodding till I was done talking. Then she stopped, breathed in and then said: "But what if he doesn't notice the signals I am sending him? Because I have tried a few of those things, texted him, smile to him. It is like he doesn't care that I exist or anything." I assured her, that that was probably not the case. Let time decide what will happen. I almost didn't believe it myself when I said it but I was inexperienced in it and all we could do is assume and reassure each other. We are still young, you know?

She smiled to me and gave me another hug before we went on home.

I wanted to tell her at least a little of my secret so badly, because I know it will help.. but I could not. I simply couldn't.

I will now go exercise, little diary. You will soon hear more.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 4

15/03-2010 22:03

Dear diary,

Remember last time, me and Sus were talking about her having the hots for a guy? Well, I just received a rather interesting text message. Apparently after our chat, she decided that it was better to just be direct instead of playing all of those tip-toe games. I, mentally, applauded her for it and thought about how great it would be, if everyone was more direct. It certainly would help my situation. She, also, finally said who it was. Martin, a guy who is in the same class as us - he actually sit right next to Sus so this will either make or break the relationship. From the text message, it sounds like it made a relationship. After she had walked me home, she apparently went around to his house and asked to talk to him. They went for a walk, she said she is interested in him. He said that he thought he had felt the signals but was unable to act on them, as she found her quite intimidating. Quite cute, if you ask me. Apparently they kissed a bit and she is just one big smiley face. Awesome to hear. I kind of envy her happiness. She must have truly felt accepted after that kiss. I know it tingled on mine, when I read it.

Something interesting happened at school, by the way. I didn't mention it earlier, since I just recalled it. It was Malene. She came over to me and said I looked troubled. I smiled to her and shrugged it off, said it was just the stress of school-work and trying to keep your chin up constantly. She smiled at me, what a great smile, and I couldn't help but give her a hug and say thank you for it, though. She seemed rather surprised, but kept smiling. It must have taken her a lot of courage to grab me while alone and ask me such a serious, personal question. I told her she could come to me, if there was anything troubling her - obviously. Maybe I can help her? Help her how, though - I don't know. Maybe she is happy being who she is.

I better go get the last bit of homework done. 'till next time, dear diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 5

16/03-2010 18:32

Dear diary,

Sus wasn't at school today, which seems strange because she have never had the guts to ditch school. Maybe her new boyfriend finally gave her the "courage" that such a feat would take. She haven't responded to any text messages either and she isn't online on facebook or messenger. I am not worrying, it is just so very unlike her. I am sure that she got a good reason, however.

I hung out with Malene today. After yesterday, she feels a bit more social than before. It might be the sun and spring coming, but it is really suiting her. I really like her, when she is like this. She kept me from not thinking too much about Sus absence. As we left school, she asked me if I could help her and asked me to go to her place. She was alone at home and we sat in her room for a bit, just chatting. I told her about Sus and Martin and she said that, that was probably the reason she wasn't at school today. Kissing and making out and all that. I could feel that we were both inexperienced in that matter, but we just hung out. Then as I had completely forgotten that she wanted my help with something, she blurts it out. She wants to loose weight and have noticed that I keep my body in good shape. I blushed and thanked her for the compliment. In a silly moment, I strut my ass out at her and she giggled. It was cute, plus it gave me more time with that smile. I asked her to come join me for my daily run around town. She said she would, if I would promise to go gentle on her. She then said she didn't really have any training clothes short of some shorts, which it is just too cold for. So we went downtown and found her a few cheap pants, t-shirts and sweatshirts. I said it might be a good idea for her to get some proper shoes as well, it truly makes a big difference. I must have sounded like a sales person, because she was a bit hesitant to take me up on that. She might try and ask her mother for some, though.

We played a bit more around, as girls do. After I left, I wondered if I should pop by Sus to see what is going on. I decided against it and walked home. Here I am, ready to hit the shower after my run. Tomorrow I am going to take Malene running for the first time - she probably isn't in very good shape but I shall be gentle, as I promised.

Goodbye for now, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 6

17/03-2010 01:23

Dear diary,

I just got woken up from a text message from both Malene and Sus - 10 minutes apart. Apparently Sus got into some problems with her parents after she had told that she got a boyfriend. Apparently her dad, a dedicated Catholic, decided that the best thing is to attempt to keep her away from guys until she is 18, 21 or married. This is the first time I have ever heard that her family's religion is an issue on her social life. Sus doesn't buy into religion but goes along with her parents to church and such. Must be sad to be forced into a religion instead of having to choose for yourself. She is currently grounded and is being home-tutored. How they managed to do that, I have no idea - and I find it to be a bit extreme. She asked me to skip school tomorrow so we can hang out while her parents are at work. The tutoring doesn't start before next week.. I didn't have the guts to ask about Martin but I said I will ditch school for her. She wrote back "Yay". Wonder how I will go around it with my parents, maybe just tell the truth? They are gone before I leave for school anyway.

Malene wrote to me as well and said she had purchased some decent running shoes. I look forward to hanging more out with her outside of school. She seems like a genuine friend, you know - one that values friendship more over social status, which Sus might be. I asked Sus if I should ask Malene to come around but she said no.

The more I think about it, the more Sus' dad's actions pisses me off, sorry for the harsh use of words. I know that her mother just backs her husband up, but it must be amazingly hard on Sus, an adventurous spirit, to be confined to her own home. I wonder if he can come to see reason somehow? I truly doubt it, having met the guy. He preaches religious values, so it is best to just avoid him all-together.

Suppose I will get a few hours more worth of sleep. Good night, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 7

17/03-2010 22:06

Dear diary,

I ended up telling my mother about skipping school and what happened to Sus. She completely understand, which I don't find very surprising at all. She have always told me that it is better to maintain a social friendship than just ignore it. Plus, she said one "sick" day wouldn't matter too much and that she would cover up for me. Thanks, mom!

Sus texted me when the coast was clear. As soon as I got there, she said we should go out. She have spent too long in the house and needed some fresh air. I couldn't really argue against that, so we went downtown and sat around, till the shops would open up. She told me everything that had happened. She had kissed and held hands with Martin, then went home with a big smile and looking cheerful. She did the bad thing and shared it with her mother, who immediately told her father. Things was tossed, tears was cried, doors was slammed and her dad spent all of yesterday making sure she could be tutored and didn't have to leave the house at all. They figured all of her friends would stay in school so she couldn't see them while they were at work. It's been a couple of tough days for her and all I felt I could do was listen to her and be her friend. I have no idea if I helped much, other than to keep her social sanity. After she had told her story, I could feel that she loosened a bit up. Her dad had also taken her phone this morning, so he had no idea how to contact Martin. I borrowed her my phone, but she couldn't remember his phone number. I, sadly, didn't have it. She texted around for it, finally received it and explained everything to him. All he got out of him was "Okay". Great.

Somehow I think, Martin was the thing furthest from her mind, though.

I told her about Malene and she smiled at that, said it's great that she is opening up to one of us. She said she'd love to come but yeah, she cannot. I hugged her and she happily accepted it. I felt her shiver a bit. She wasn't okay by any means. I could feel that but she is too proud to admit it. All she has shown me is an anger towards her dad. I didn't want to pry or anything but I felt disheartened seeing this strong girl being torn to shreds by a backwards dad. She kept repeating "Just 4 more years and I'm gone". 4 more years of hell could scar everyone for life so I really crossed my fingers that her dad would fall down to reality soon.

We ran home when we realized what the time was and she barely got the door closed, before I heard her mother's car. She got out and asked me what I was doing here. I lied and said I just came around to see how Sus was doing. Her mother shrugged me off and told me it was none of my business and pushed me to the side as she walked past me. I have no idea what her problem is.

I quickly went home and changed to my running outfit, texted Malene if she was ready and went to her house. She stood there in her newly purchased and some very white sneakers. She looked really cute, in an out-of-place way, as she stood outside her house, waiting for me. She smiled as I came around. That smile. I told her the basics, I will run slowly, try to push yourself until you cannot run anymore, tell me when you are out of breath, no breaks but just reduce speed, breath properly. She just nodded, smiled and said thank you again, for doing this. Of course I would help a friend out.

We ran for like 2 hours. Time goes a hell of a lot faster when you run with someone, especially if it's good company. We didn't run fast today, so we could just talk together. I decided to tell her what had happened to Sus and she responded exactly the same way I did. Anger towards Sus' father. I nodded and told her she shouldn't tell Sus that she knows. I think she is a bit vulnerable about it at the moment and won't share it with many people.

We ran home to her and we rested for a bit in her bedroom. She dropped her clothes and she didn't have such a bad body at all. She just had a tendency to overdress and make her look a bit too chubby. She is pretty, in her own way. We chit-chatted, but then she broke it to me. She also had a crush on Martin but never acted on it, because she is shy. She didn't really ask for advice or anything, she just needed to share it with someone. She is holding up okay, considering. It's just a teenage crush, as she said. I got up and gave her a hug. It didn't occur to me for at least a few seconds, that she was practically naked. I did it purely by instinct, figuring she could use one. I said I was sorry, I didn't think. She said it was okay. We were both blushing deep red. It was very awkward and I said it was best to go home and grab a shower.

I ran home, still embarrassed. It probably meant nothing but I felt I crossed a couple of boundaries. Her's and mine. As I got home, she texted me, asking about tomorrow and that she had fun. I replied, "likewise".

If that awkward moment didn't happen, I would probably have told her. Told her, that I believe I am a lesbian..

Bye, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 8

18/03-2010 01:21

Dear Diary,

Been unable to sleep. I think I left a lot of things unsaid in the previous entry, after having read the last 7 entries back. It is a .. heavy thing I said, without explaining it.

I have to apologize for that, but it felt amazing to finally use those words. I am gay, I am lesbian. At least, I think I am. Yes, I have read everything about it, yes I know that most teenagers will question their sexuality. I have spend long nights searching for information online and I always come to the same conclusion. I am just physically attracted to girls. It sounds so simple, yet it isn't. I have no attraction towards guys. I simply don't know how else to explain it.

I will leave it at that. I won't tell anyone, now that I have at least gotten it a bit further than in my own mind. It helps a lot. I feel rejuvenated. I feel refreshed. But how can a popular girl, like me, be gay? How will I tell my parents? How will I do anything. This will change everything.

I don't know what to do.

Good night, diary.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 9

19/03-2010 02:28

Dear diary,

Well, this week I have been unable to sleep much at all. Wake up at weird hours, with my thoughts racing all over. I had a headache from thinking too much today, mainly because I kind of still felt a bit awkward about what happened yesterday with Malene. She didn't seem to care at all, she even seemed happier and more open to me. It was great. Glad that I was worried for nothing. She said she was achy from yesterday but felt very refreshed, she even dressed a bit different, more colorful. It's like she is reborn. I asked her on it and she just said she felt like it. I said I liked it, she smiled, I smiled back. Thanked me and gave me a hug. She also told me not to think about yesterday's "embarrassment", as she put it. I blushed a bit, thinking back on it.

My plan to tell her have kind of gone awry, mainly because she was changing so fast, just because she opened up a bit and we started running. I was happy for her, of course.

Dear diary,

It would seem I fell asleep in the middle of updating you. I apologize for that but will now continue my tale from yesterday.

Malene was being magnificent, she even was active in class, answering questions and contributing to the discussion. As I said, reborn. I even saw that some of the guys left their eyes on her a bit longer, but that might just be me. I pulled her to the side and asked how it was going with Martin and she just shrugged it off and said the same thing as before; she is over it. No one on her radar. I told her that I had noticed the guys looking a bit more and she smiled and said she felt it, too.

I haven't heard from Sus at all. She doesn't really have her phone or anything. I am thinking about writing her a letter, just so she can keep up to date. I doubt she got any kind of internet access at all, so that is probably the best bet. Unless her parents stops the letter before it reaches Sus. I have been thinking, and talking a bit with my mother about it, that it might be a good idea to tell the school what is going on. Maybe they can set things in motion, like contact the parents and show them, that what they are doing, is wrong. My mother said it was wishful thinking - they might just be watched by the county, but since they aren't violent against her, there is hardly any proof that she is being held against her own will.

I have started writing on the letter to Sus, but was interrupted in the middle because of the anger that started to grow in me, the resentment against her parents. I then started writing another letter, to the school, about what is going on. I just need it written down, to get it out of my system. I will tell Sus about it in the letter, so I could hear from her, if it's a good idea or not.

Time to go running with Malene again. Yesterday went well, we didn't chat as much but mostly focused on pushing ourselves. This time around, we hung out at my place and instead of her getting semi-naked, I did, while changing clothes. It kind of balanced the awkwardness a bit and made me feel better. I think she felt better about it, too. We ran at a steady speed and she only asked me for a pause once. I know she was pushing herself a lot, but it was amazing to look at. She is really determined to go all the way with this.

Goodbye diary, for now.

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Dear Diary – Chapter 10

23/03-2010 19:22

Dear diary,

It's been awhile. I apologize for that, but it's been a hectic weekend - one I had problems taking in and grasping. But I suppose writing it all down will help me out a bit.

Friday: After the run with Malene, I was just going to have a relaxing even together with the parents - eat some pizza and watch some TV. I heard a knock and answered the door. There was Sus and Martin, holding hands. Sus explained to me that her parents was out of town for the weekend, but couldn't bring Martin around there because she was scared they'd notice. They couldn't go to Martin's place either, since they were having a party. So they wanted to ask if it was okay to hang out in my room, just for a place to be. I couldn't really grasp having a couple making out in my room, but being the nice girl, I let them. It felt a bit awkward, having them around - as if I was a third wheel. They never said a thing, just sat in my bed, making out and watching a bit of TV. I could see that Sus was relaxed, but a bit troubled - Martin was just enjoying the making out.

After about a couple of hours of just sitting around (I was playing around on my computer), Martin received a text message about a party going down. He said we were both invited. I have never been to a  party before and was very reluctant to go at all. Martin left and it was just me and Sus who tried to convince me to go. Not having had the possibility of having out with Sus in almost a week, I said I would go, if she would stay with me. She agreed and called me silly - I felt like my boundaries were about to be pushed again. I took a shower, while she applied some make up. She looked divine with a bit of colour on her. She smiled to me, then asked me a thing I will never forget: "What if the guys want us to kiss to give us drinks?". All I could muster was a "What?". She explained that she had heard the guys talk about giving girls drinks if they kissed. I asked what Martin would think about it and she responded that he probably would like it. I shrugged it off, I didn't plan on drinking any way - I just wanted to be with Sus for a bit. That is, I didn't shrug it off, I was constantly thinking about kissing Sus. Thankfully, by the time this thought entered, we were outside and she couldn't see me constantly blushing a deep red.

We walked for a good 20 minutes. The party was held at a classmate's house. His parents were out of town, so they had quickly set up a bar, music and opened the doors for pretty much everyone who wanted to go to a party. As I entered, I gave a lot of friends a good hug, because that is what they apparently all wanted. They pretty much hug attacked me. I didn't mind, was just a bit surprising. A lot of people were already drunk and a few guys tried to chat me up and "accidentally" bump into me. Sus found Martin and I rolled my eyes. I knew I would be left alone now.

I tried to look for a couple of other friends to chat to. It was mainly guys, however, and I didn't really chat a lot with them. A couple of them are sweet, alright, but few of them actually mean anything to me, as friends. I then ran into Malene. She was the definition of a drunk girl at a party. She looked stunning, as well. I didn't realize it was her until she had pounched me and given me a tight hug, pushing herself against me by that point I had fallen over into a couch, on top of someone who quickly moved out of the way. She literally chatted my head off, pretty much with drunken speech, about how she was invited, showed up with no one she really talked to and then just slowly got drunk from guys giving her drinks. She said she talked a bit to Martin about Sus, which interested me a bit. Martin didn't say much, though, since the relationship was still at an early stage. Malene was sitting on my lap and leaning against my chest, while she chatted. She played a bit with my hair but I had no idea where to put my hands or what to do about it. She was being extremely sweet and chatty, which I loved, but I just felt uncomfortable since I didn't know a lot about drinking and how it affected people.

Malene had to go to the toilet so I tried to find Sus. She was standing by the bar, apparently trying to flirt the bartenders for some drinks. She seemed a bit tipsy. She saw me coming and said something to the bartender. They nodded and looked at me. I felt very uncomfortable, until Sus came over, wrapped her hands around me and planted a deep kiss right on my unsuspecting lips. I could hear the guys applauding, but my focus was right on my lips. I could feel myself be flushed, blushing hard and not knowing what to do with myself, again. She broke the kiss and looked at the guys. I didn't sense a thing. I was in a state of confusion, of feeling flushed, feeling warm and cold. I had no idea where to put this unfamiliar feeling, mainly because I knew it was just a play for the guys. There was nothing there for her, but there was for me. I felt sadness. I still feel sadness.

Malene came back and saw me looking a bit glum. She asked me about it. I shrugged it off. She got a bit pushy, saying I always shrug off everything. "It is good to talk about it, I felt great after having talked to you" she said. I sat there, in my own little bubble, with the loud music around and Malene trying to come in. I decided to give her half the truth. Sus kissed me because the boys said they'd give her drinks if she did. It shocked me a bit because I was not used to it. I gave Malene a thing to consider, something close. I told her that it was my first proper kiss. She needed a couple of seconds to understand what I said. She looked a bit drowsy, but still beautiful in the top she was wearing, her hair down and a bit of paint on. I noticed a guy who kept looking at me, and have been all night, but I didn't recognize him. I took Malene by the hand and went outside a bit, just to get a bit away. Malene hadn't said anything yet. I asked her if she was okay. She nodded and smiled, then as I leaned against the wall, she leaned in and gave me a kiss, just as deep as Sus' was. I almost fell, my knees felt weak. I blushed again, but I enjoyed it a bit. She broke the kiss, smiled and said "Now you have had your second kiss". It must have made sense, in a drunken way. I was just flushed once more. Nothing more happened, as she went inside and left me there.

The party ended relatively early, as a couple of parents found out about the party. Sus and Malene asked if they could sleep at my place, both of them relatively drunk. Sus would hate entering an empty house alone, while Malene had already lied to her parents and said she was sleeping at my place. I decided that the bed was big enough for all of us, so we just jumped in. The two others fell asleep quickly, while I was trying to think over what the hell just happened. My mind never drew a good conclusion, so I decided to go to sleep.

Saturday: I woke up at about 10 am. Sus had sneaked out and Malene was using me as a cuddle toy. I didn't mind, but sneaked out from underneath her arm and went downstairs to explain where we were yesterday and why Sus and Malene was staying. They didn't mind at all but was a bit surprised I didn't drink anything at the party. Maybe another time, I said. I have amazing parents, unlike Sus. Thank you, mom and dad. I went back up to Malene, who have awoken. With a nasty headache, she said. I brought her some water as well as some food while we chatted about yesterday. She could remember it all, so she wasn't all gone. She said she was a bit embarrased about the kiss but I said she should think nothing about it and that she also was cuddling me when I woke up. She blushed. It was cute, I smiled and she smiled back. Water under the bridge.

I followed Malene back home and figured I might as well go for a run. When we got to her place, she wanted to join as well, so we went for a nice, long run. Her headache was gone and she was a bit playful. We ended up on a playground where we just ran around, used the swings, like we were kids. It was an amazing feeling. Like your youth came back and gave you a gentle embrace. We hung out most of the day. She is a fun girl to be with, I laughed a lot from her jokes and felt great being around her. Sus came to my house at around 5 pm and hung out with us. I asked how it went with Martin and everything and she seemed a bit out of it. Said it went fine, but it felt like she didn't really care. Malene was trying to cheer her up a bit with a few jokes and her smile and it seemed to warm Sus up just great. Martin came around and Sus went out with him. She seemed less and less happy being with him, but Martin seemed rather normal. There was something bugging Sus that she didn't want to come out with.

Sus called us and said there was another party at the same guy as before. I asked Malene if she wanted to go and she really did. Said it was fun yesterday. I went along for her sake and Sus. I really need to figure out what is going on with her. We went to the shower (I got my own personal shower, so it is a bit hard for any kind of privacy), which was a bit embarrassing since this is the first time I saw her really naked and the other way around. She just smiled at it and teased at my obvious discomfort. Mostly because I was ashamed of my own body, despite working out constantly. Hers was amazing, though. A bit chubby, but it sat on her well. I complimented her, pretty much just splurted it out there. I blushed a bit afterwards, when I noticed but she blushed as well and commented mine. Awkwardness was over by then and we just got ready. Malene had packed a bag full of clothes so she had something proper to wear. She allowed me to set up her hair, which she complimented. I felt it looked better that way, too.

Anyway, we went to the party and met up with Sus, who was hanging outside. Someone I have never seen before was chatting with her, but she didn't seem to care much about him and pretty much ignored him. She looked uncomfortable and sad. Malene went inside while I asked her what was wrong. "It's Martin" she just responded, sniffling in. She looked cold so have probably been standing there for awhile.

Diary, I am going to have to cut it short. I've been writing for almost 3 hours now. More tomorrow, I promise. Good night.

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