Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings


Always Grey and Raining

Yet another playdate with my kid and Louise’s. They appear to always have fun together, two girls giggling like mad, playing with their dolls and showing us all their new haircuts or hairstyles they could conjure up. I usually am able to let myself go into their world, smile at their leisure, for their pleasure, play with them and tell them terrible jokes but I always am so distant from it. My natural talent, perhaps. As usual with Louise, I tended to make as many obviously “innocent” and accidental touches, mostly brushes up against her bum as she bends over to pick something up. I know it drives her wild and she starts sending me this wink that just says “just you wait”. It should excite me, it does excite me but it’s all so hollow.  I take her roughly, without rubber - she prefers it like that and I honestly don’t mind -- or care - in the bathroom or kitchen during the kids’ naptime.

I always feel so distant to her when I do it, but her loud yelps and screams pulls me back but I don’t focus on what I’m doing, rather what she is. She’s.. or was a pretty girl. She let herself go when she had her kid. Set everything of life on standby and lived through her kid. I noticed that she always gussied herself up a bit when I arrive. We can never smalltalk, because all she can talk about is her kid. It saddened me and somewhat sickened me. I’ve tried to get into her, know her story, what did she like to do before her boyfriend knocked her up. She usually starts, with a glint in her eye, a smile on her lips but then stares out the window and changes the subject. Her facebook is all about her kid as well. She doesn't care about me, never asks about me and just asks out of politeness. I think that she only wants me because I am fairly good looking.

She always applauds me for my stamina, but my mind is usually so far gone, but yet I’ve always been so handsy that she never have suspected a thing. I know when she cums because her nails dig into my back and when she can feel I am about to, she wants me to pull out and get it all over her face.

Afterwards, when the playdate is over, she’ll text me. It never fails. Usually something vague and indirect such as “Thank you for today. Next week? :)”. I never respond. I imagine she is staring at her phone until she can’t take it anymore and writes back if something is wrong. That never fails either. I respond then, shrugging it off that my kid threw up or that we had to rush somewhere. She tries to write afterwards, but I know her boyfriend comes home soon after so she can’t get away with asking much.

It’s always also grey when I come out. Always grey and raining. Like some terrible metaphor for everything.

Home, it’s always the same. Girlfriend comes home, talks all about her day and asks none of mine. It’s as if my day didn’t exist and I have started to believe her. Always talking while I make food and I must support her, else she’ll stop talking and not talk for the rest of the day. When she runs out of things to say, she’ll go see our kid and play a bit with her. Never more than 10 minutes though, then she’s on the sofa watching whatever is on or finding a reality show. When food is ready, she’ll eat fast while I help the kid and she’ll dive back on the couch and fall asleep. Kid never asks for her mother, only me. I’ve made up a story for her, that we keep adding to.

It’s my world away from this shit life.

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