Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings


Dear Diary – Chapter 10

23/03-2010 19:22

Dear diary,

It's been awhile. I apologize for that, but it's been a hectic weekend - one I had problems taking in and grasping. But I suppose writing it all down will help me out a bit.

Friday: After the run with Malene, I was just going to have a relaxing even together with the parents - eat some pizza and watch some TV. I heard a knock and answered the door. There was Sus and Martin, holding hands. Sus explained to me that her parents was out of town for the weekend, but couldn't bring Martin around there because she was scared they'd notice. They couldn't go to Martin's place either, since they were having a party. So they wanted to ask if it was okay to hang out in my room, just for a place to be. I couldn't really grasp having a couple making out in my room, but being the nice girl, I let them. It felt a bit awkward, having them around - as if I was a third wheel. They never said a thing, just sat in my bed, making out and watching a bit of TV. I could see that Sus was relaxed, but a bit troubled - Martin was just enjoying the making out.

After about a couple of hours of just sitting around (I was playing around on my computer), Martin received a text message about a party going down. He said we were both invited. I have never been to a  party before and was very reluctant to go at all. Martin left and it was just me and Sus who tried to convince me to go. Not having had the possibility of having out with Sus in almost a week, I said I would go, if she would stay with me. She agreed and called me silly - I felt like my boundaries were about to be pushed again. I took a shower, while she applied some make up. She looked divine with a bit of colour on her. She smiled to me, then asked me a thing I will never forget: "What if the guys want us to kiss to give us drinks?". All I could muster was a "What?". She explained that she had heard the guys talk about giving girls drinks if they kissed. I asked what Martin would think about it and she responded that he probably would like it. I shrugged it off, I didn't plan on drinking any way - I just wanted to be with Sus for a bit. That is, I didn't shrug it off, I was constantly thinking about kissing Sus. Thankfully, by the time this thought entered, we were outside and she couldn't see me constantly blushing a deep red.

We walked for a good 20 minutes. The party was held at a classmate's house. His parents were out of town, so they had quickly set up a bar, music and opened the doors for pretty much everyone who wanted to go to a party. As I entered, I gave a lot of friends a good hug, because that is what they apparently all wanted. They pretty much hug attacked me. I didn't mind, was just a bit surprising. A lot of people were already drunk and a few guys tried to chat me up and "accidentally" bump into me. Sus found Martin and I rolled my eyes. I knew I would be left alone now.

I tried to look for a couple of other friends to chat to. It was mainly guys, however, and I didn't really chat a lot with them. A couple of them are sweet, alright, but few of them actually mean anything to me, as friends. I then ran into Malene. She was the definition of a drunk girl at a party. She looked stunning, as well. I didn't realize it was her until she had pounched me and given me a tight hug, pushing herself against me by that point I had fallen over into a couch, on top of someone who quickly moved out of the way. She literally chatted my head off, pretty much with drunken speech, about how she was invited, showed up with no one she really talked to and then just slowly got drunk from guys giving her drinks. She said she talked a bit to Martin about Sus, which interested me a bit. Martin didn't say much, though, since the relationship was still at an early stage. Malene was sitting on my lap and leaning against my chest, while she chatted. She played a bit with my hair but I had no idea where to put my hands or what to do about it. She was being extremely sweet and chatty, which I loved, but I just felt uncomfortable since I didn't know a lot about drinking and how it affected people.

Malene had to go to the toilet so I tried to find Sus. She was standing by the bar, apparently trying to flirt the bartenders for some drinks. She seemed a bit tipsy. She saw me coming and said something to the bartender. They nodded and looked at me. I felt very uncomfortable, until Sus came over, wrapped her hands around me and planted a deep kiss right on my unsuspecting lips. I could hear the guys applauding, but my focus was right on my lips. I could feel myself be flushed, blushing hard and not knowing what to do with myself, again. She broke the kiss and looked at the guys. I didn't sense a thing. I was in a state of confusion, of feeling flushed, feeling warm and cold. I had no idea where to put this unfamiliar feeling, mainly because I knew it was just a play for the guys. There was nothing there for her, but there was for me. I felt sadness. I still feel sadness.

Malene came back and saw me looking a bit glum. She asked me about it. I shrugged it off. She got a bit pushy, saying I always shrug off everything. "It is good to talk about it, I felt great after having talked to you" she said. I sat there, in my own little bubble, with the loud music around and Malene trying to come in. I decided to give her half the truth. Sus kissed me because the boys said they'd give her drinks if she did. It shocked me a bit because I was not used to it. I gave Malene a thing to consider, something close. I told her that it was my first proper kiss. She needed a couple of seconds to understand what I said. She looked a bit drowsy, but still beautiful in the top she was wearing, her hair down and a bit of paint on. I noticed a guy who kept looking at me, and have been all night, but I didn't recognize him. I took Malene by the hand and went outside a bit, just to get a bit away. Malene hadn't said anything yet. I asked her if she was okay. She nodded and smiled, then as I leaned against the wall, she leaned in and gave me a kiss, just as deep as Sus' was. I almost fell, my knees felt weak. I blushed again, but I enjoyed it a bit. She broke the kiss, smiled and said "Now you have had your second kiss". It must have made sense, in a drunken way. I was just flushed once more. Nothing more happened, as she went inside and left me there.

The party ended relatively early, as a couple of parents found out about the party. Sus and Malene asked if they could sleep at my place, both of them relatively drunk. Sus would hate entering an empty house alone, while Malene had already lied to her parents and said she was sleeping at my place. I decided that the bed was big enough for all of us, so we just jumped in. The two others fell asleep quickly, while I was trying to think over what the hell just happened. My mind never drew a good conclusion, so I decided to go to sleep.

Saturday: I woke up at about 10 am. Sus had sneaked out and Malene was using me as a cuddle toy. I didn't mind, but sneaked out from underneath her arm and went downstairs to explain where we were yesterday and why Sus and Malene was staying. They didn't mind at all but was a bit surprised I didn't drink anything at the party. Maybe another time, I said. I have amazing parents, unlike Sus. Thank you, mom and dad. I went back up to Malene, who have awoken. With a nasty headache, she said. I brought her some water as well as some food while we chatted about yesterday. She could remember it all, so she wasn't all gone. She said she was a bit embarrased about the kiss but I said she should think nothing about it and that she also was cuddling me when I woke up. She blushed. It was cute, I smiled and she smiled back. Water under the bridge.

I followed Malene back home and figured I might as well go for a run. When we got to her place, she wanted to join as well, so we went for a nice, long run. Her headache was gone and she was a bit playful. We ended up on a playground where we just ran around, used the swings, like we were kids. It was an amazing feeling. Like your youth came back and gave you a gentle embrace. We hung out most of the day. She is a fun girl to be with, I laughed a lot from her jokes and felt great being around her. Sus came to my house at around 5 pm and hung out with us. I asked how it went with Martin and everything and she seemed a bit out of it. Said it went fine, but it felt like she didn't really care. Malene was trying to cheer her up a bit with a few jokes and her smile and it seemed to warm Sus up just great. Martin came around and Sus went out with him. She seemed less and less happy being with him, but Martin seemed rather normal. There was something bugging Sus that she didn't want to come out with.

Sus called us and said there was another party at the same guy as before. I asked Malene if she wanted to go and she really did. Said it was fun yesterday. I went along for her sake and Sus. I really need to figure out what is going on with her. We went to the shower (I got my own personal shower, so it is a bit hard for any kind of privacy), which was a bit embarrassing since this is the first time I saw her really naked and the other way around. She just smiled at it and teased at my obvious discomfort. Mostly because I was ashamed of my own body, despite working out constantly. Hers was amazing, though. A bit chubby, but it sat on her well. I complimented her, pretty much just splurted it out there. I blushed a bit afterwards, when I noticed but she blushed as well and commented mine. Awkwardness was over by then and we just got ready. Malene had packed a bag full of clothes so she had something proper to wear. She allowed me to set up her hair, which she complimented. I felt it looked better that way, too.

Anyway, we went to the party and met up with Sus, who was hanging outside. Someone I have never seen before was chatting with her, but she didn't seem to care much about him and pretty much ignored him. She looked uncomfortable and sad. Malene went inside while I asked her what was wrong. "It's Martin" she just responded, sniffling in. She looked cold so have probably been standing there for awhile.

Diary, I am going to have to cut it short. I've been writing for almost 3 hours now. More tomorrow, I promise. Good night.

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