Creative Outlet – a blog full of stories and personal musings


Dear Diary – Chapter 26

11/05-2011 07:14

Dear diary,

Sorry I've been neglecting you. Things have been relatively odd lately and I need to vent a bit to get it off my chest.

Malene is finally here and she has .. changed. She came here about a week ago and while she seemed happy to see me, she felt distant. Her eyes were never really there and it was hard to get her attention. She hugged me when we picked her up in the airport and thanked me and my mother a lot for this possibility but any sign of connection to the world seems to have been lost. She still haven't started in school again, but thankfully, we've figured out that she can take the exam here. She's been home-tutored while in Spain but I fear that she can't really collect her thoughts for it, but I suppose I just have to give her the space and time she needs. She's mostly been sleeping or watching TV and mostly staying in my room, which we now shared. I've been busy with school myself, so I haven't had a lot of time to spend with her outside of doing homework when she is there. She seems to enjoy having me around but we rarely talk. I worry for her and so does my mother, she's lost a lot of weight, which looks great on her but I can't help but feel that it was entirely unintentional. She doesn't eat a lot but at least it is some.

We sleep together in the same bed and she sometimes, in her sleep, holds me. It's very nice but I can't help but feel sad for her - the time in Spain really took to her. She is no longer herself and I am not sure what we can do. Often, it's hard to focus on the school as I think about Malene, what to do with her or how to get her out of her shell. I talk to her, not really expecting a reply, but I think it makes her feel a bit better and she sometimes laugh. Good thing that I have a lot to say, especially about everything that's been going on. I got a bit of a reaction out of my relationship with Thomas' mother, but I think she just wanted to know the dirty details. Good old Malene, she is still in there somewhere. I had told myself to not lie to her about anything that happened, since, well, life keeps on moving, even when we aren't together. I try to hug her as much as I can and show some kind of affection towards her and it warms her up a bit but she is quickly back into her quiet self again.

My mother has taken a bit of a vacation to make sure that she is home to help out Malene. She tells me she brought her cloth shopping and generally just tried to act like a mother to her and apparently she enjoyed herself. It was probably a good idea to get her out of the house but I've been unable to do to the damn school. She livens up a bit but she seems to fall into herself again when she is alone, mother said - so she's taken her out for various things in the mornings. I must admit, I am a bit jealous but she means well.
One day, when I came home, Malene kissed me and giggled. She seemed like her old self and I was happy, it even brought tears to my eyes. She told what she and my mother had done, that they'd first gone shopping, then eaten at a nice café and some boy had given her a compliment of how she looked. I couldn't help but feel a bit inadequate at this comment, since I compliment her as well, but I shrugged it off - it's always nice to hear it from someone else as well. A few hours after, she slept and when she woke up, she was back in her moody self. I think she just needs a bit of attention from someone who isn't me and my mother, so I've decided to see if she wants to go to a party on Friday and make the night about her. It should be easy enough to find a party, it usually is. Mother think it's a great idea so it has been decided. I will tell her when I get home.

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